I came across an old acquaintance's blog earlier today and it got my head spinning. I can't believe that a woman, a mother at that, would criticize someone's choices so harshly. I think we all have opinions and none of us are innocent of judgement. I think opinions are great and I love that we all have differing views on everything.
There are very few things that I think are non-negotiables as far as parenting, birth, etc go. Of course, those "non-negotiables" are also my opinions.
Yes, this is one of those posts.
The basic gist of said acquaintance's post was that she's better than the moms that were in the hospital on her delivery night. She's better because she doesn't moan, growl, scream or apparently vocalize in anyway while she's in labor. This is really uncommon. Most women, even those with epidurals, moan, grunt, etc. As far as I know this can be a beneficial thing, even my doula was speaking of how if you "ahhh" during pushing you're less likely to tear. She criticized a woman for puking. Yes puking, another very common occurrence during transition. Stated "We were like oh there goes another woman that doesn't know what to do. She of course took the wheelchair upstairs." Huh? Apparently, it's also not okay to take a wheelchair anywhere. I didn't realize that puking meant you didn't know what to do...seeing as women in labor puke a lot apparently not many people know what they're doing? That's good to know.
The blog I'm speaking about makes me really sad. Sad for the mothers she's criticizing especially. Who are we to judge someone because they want an epidural. Yes, you all know that I believe the majority of women can do it without it but that doesn't mean every woman wants to. I think it shows the power and amazement of the woman's body. You want an epidural, drugs, birthing on your back, baby cleaned off before you hold him or her? Go for it, I'm not going to stop it. I KNOW that giving birth without an epidural is hard work. Don't have to convince me! I think she also fails to realize that some people have had very traumatic experiences in their lives and are fearful of giving birth or of pain. Not every situation is as easy as her deliveries seem to be.
I also realize that I come across very strongly about a lot of my opinions. If i've EVER made you feel badly about a decision, come across this way please let me know. I'm very sorry if i've ever come across this way. (I'll argue with you to the death on some things if I can PROVE it's better..but that doesn't mean it's not your choice still.)
People like that amuse me. I'm a firm believer that you don't know what anyone else's experience is but your own. It's possible that had she been any of those women, she would have given up after the first hour, passed out, and required a C-section. She doesn't know. You can hem and ha all day about how if you were in a particular situation you would do something different, but the truth is you don't know!
ReplyDeleteYes, there are certain things that education can hope to change, but none of us start off perfect. We all have to choose to learn and grow every day, and hopefully the next time we are faced with the same problem, we respond with a solution that is a little better than the last time.
BTW, I've seen you do enough 180's in the 8 months that I've known you to know that you at least try to be educated about your opinions. Are you sometimes a bit overconfident with them? Yes, but passion is the fuel of life. There is, however, something to be said for passion with a side of tact.